UK theme parks from another point of view!

 
Anonymous

Top Ten Alton Towers Rides...

Tue Sep 26, 2006 11:22 am

Hi, new member - I've recently written this for my website and thought I'd give it a wider audience :wink:

10. The Black Hole

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What lurked at the end of the dark corridors of the Black Hole? Well, if you were pregnant or 3 foot 2 you weren’t gonna get past the 16 year old kid wearing a silver space suit with ’Security’ emblazoned across it. The anticipation as you entered the darkened corridors which were lifted straight from a Space 1999 set was immense. Unfortunately the bubble was soon burst when your mates arse was crushing your goolies and you were strapped into what was basically a glorified 6 seater shopping trolley using a seatbelt straight out of an Austin Maestro. You gobbed on the big Spaceman as you were taken to the top of the ride and made sure you had a bored expression for the photograph half way around – it was S**t.

9. The Rapids

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Sit in a circle around a metal table and chat with your mates, I’m sorry but if there’s no alcohol involved I don’t see the point.

8. The Thunder Looper

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One loop forwards, one loop backwards on a straight track and you weren’t allowed to take any food on it unlike the scouts on ‘Jim’ll Fix’ it who had done the dirty deed more than ten years earlier on Blackpool Pleasure Beach. The Thunderlooper was an afterthought and they’d have done better business if they’d have chucked up some Face Painting Stalls and a Penalty Shoot Out Booth.

7. Nemesis

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Nemesis - A righteous infliction of retribution manifested by an appropriate agent. Personified in this case by a Fairground Ride. It was never gonna live up to its’ billing really.

6. The Enterprise

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Another Bollock Crusher. Two of you in sat in a small cage that whizzed around and around merry go round style until a central arm lifted to 90 degrees and you were spinning up ‘n down vertically. This ride generated more complaints than any other at ’The Towers’ most of them from Trekkie’s who questioned why a hunk of metal that looked more like a Romulan Star Freighter was named after Captain Kirk’s penis extension.

5. Oblivion

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All your money fell out of your pockets during a 30 second ride starting with entry into a large dark hole – They should’ve called it ‘Prostitute’.

4. The Log Flume

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’Keep Your Hands Inside the Ride at ALL Times’ you were warned – Yeah right, as soon as the log was free of the revolving turntable you drenched your mates and stuck the ’V’s up to the people on the wooden footbridge above. The Flume provided the best photo opportunity in the whole Park, although you were obliged to make a fool of yourselves at the highest point of the ride in full view of everyone queuing up purely for the benefit of a snapshot that you’d pay 5 quid for once you disembarked. One question? Why were plastic dinosaurs located in the middle of a wooded area in Staffordshire? Only one person was glad of them and that was the YTS kid who’s responsibility it was to bark ‘dinosounds’ through the speakers that were hung on trees throughout the route.

3. The Pirate Ship

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How the hell a 5 tonne boat could be propelled to such extravagant heights by a remoulded tyre off a Ford Anglia is anyone’s guess. It happened though and to see your fear mirrored by the middle aged women sat opposite you as the Ship reached its’ optimum height and you attempted to go 'no handed' made for a spellbinding ride.

2. The Corkscrew

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Alton Towers’ main draw in the 80’s, no other park came close to thrashing the yellow tracked meanie when it came to white knuckle anarchy. It had such popularity that the rollercoaster even had top billing on crappy kids gameshow ’Hold Tight’. The 'screw pissed on Drayton Manor Park and Zoo’s Mini Pirate Ship and Carousel and as that was about all the competition could come up with at the time we were quite happy to queue up for 2 hours for the experience.

1. Toboggans

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’The Widowmaker’ as Towers’ Staff christened it. Take a seat on a tray with wheels (widely considered to be 'Kryptonics' by the skateboarding community) and let gravity do its’ thing as your backside sits 2 inches above a concrete track that had, at its' tamest a 1 in 5 decline. The ‘brake’ was a small pole between your legs any attempt to use it was a lesson in futility. The addition of hay bales and traction control in 1986 did little to lesson the hazardous nature of the treacherous track which claimed 5 lives and had 500 lbs of skin scraped off it during its’ short career as an ‘attraction’. Fortunately Health and Safety Officials closed it down after Paul ‘Fishy’ Fisher from Grimsby was treated for 3rd degree burns when he turned into a fireball due to a build up of friction whilst he was attempting to brake using his Dunlop Green Flash on the second to last corner.
 
Anonymous

Tue Sep 26, 2006 11:41 am

Great stuff there Steve H. Although you've been factually inaccurate with regards to the Pirate Ship's remould tyre. EVERYONE knows it was taken from an Austin Princess, rather than a Ford Anglia!

Also, where's the Gravitron? That was a firm favourite with asthmatics and those with cracked ribs!

:lol:
 
DiogoJ42

Tue Sep 26, 2006 12:30 pm

Well, that's gotta be one of the more unusual top tens, but at least its' original!

Any chance of a link to your website?
 
Big D
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Tue Sep 26, 2006 1:20 pm

is there a theme to this top 10. ie my favourite or is it just an eclectic mix of rides?
We can categorically state that we have not released man-eating badgers into the area.
 
Anonymous

Tue Sep 26, 2006 2:25 pm

Hi,

Apologies for the delay in responding.

I’ll address each point if that’s OK…

According to my relatively unreliable sources Kwik Fit had a contract with AT to supply tyres for the Pirate Ship and also the undercarriage of the fibreglass Swan’s that merrily flocked about on the lake. Whilst the Swans’ required a wet weather tread pattern from a non specific vehicle the Pirate Ship definitely used a Ford Anglia, this has been recently confirmed by Johnny Depp who received a bright white Ford with red piping as part payment for his role in Pirates of the Carribean…

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My site is www.steveqpr.co.uk however there’s not too much content other than in the diary page I’m afraid.

An eclectic mix is rather stretching the pretentiousness of the whole subject however I much prefer your description as opposed to saying that I’ve haphazardly cobbled together ten of the ones that I could recall when I visited the Park as an impressionable teenager!

Thanks for the comments :)
 
oddjob777
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Tue Sep 26, 2006 5:53 pm

How how how can you say enterprise, the flume, corkscrew and blade are better than nemesis!! and that the flume, corkie and blade are better than oblivion?? WTH?! AND RITA ISNT EVEN THERE!
VERY Disagreeing there.
10 - Rapids
9 - Charlie
8 - Flume
7 - Thunder Looper
6 - Corkscrew
5 - Oblivion
4 - Spinball
3 - Air
2 - Rita : Queen of Speed
1 - Nemesis
JAMES!!!

100% AT - 100% GREAT

\":D\"
 
AstroDan

Tue Sep 26, 2006 5:57 pm

I don't think his top 10 was meant to be a literal top 10 rides at Alton Towers, it was more of an eclectic mix top 10, which I think is great and refreshing to see.

Great list!
 
Big D
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Tue Sep 26, 2006 5:59 pm

my word gets used again! Yay go eclectic!
We can categorically state that we have not released man-eating badgers into the area.
 
Anonymous

Tue Sep 26, 2006 6:02 pm

Yay for Steve H :caffine:
 
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Con
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Tue Sep 26, 2006 6:12 pm

All completely wrong! Here is the true answear.

10.Ribeana Berry Bish Bash! (gotta love the bish bash!)
9.Duel
8.Black Hole
7.The Flume
6.Spinball Whizzer
5.Ripsaw
4.Air
3.Rita
2.Nemisis
1.Oblivion

Please note that there aren't any old rides as I had my first trip just 3 years ago.
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LONG POSTS GIVE ME HEADACHES
 
Anonymous

Tue Sep 26, 2006 6:28 pm

Nah, here's the REAL top ten :)

10. Turbo Star
9. Gravitron
8. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
7. Mini Apple Coaster
6. The Ferris Wheel
5. Paddling Pool
4. Blue Carousel
3. Vintage Cars
2. Motor Museum
1. Dolls Exhibition

:D
 
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Con
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Tue Sep 26, 2006 6:29 pm

"marky.com" wrote:
Nah, here's the REAL top ten :)

10. Turbo Star
9. Gravitron
8. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
7. Mini Apple Coaster
6. The Ferris Wheel
5. Paddling Pool
4. Blue Carousel
3. Vintage Cars
2. Motor Museum
1. Dolls Exhibition

:D


Cheers Grandad
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LONG POSTS GIVE ME HEADACHES
 
oddjob777
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Tue Sep 26, 2006 6:48 pm

"AstroDan" wrote:
I don't think his top 10 was meant to be a literal top 10 rides at Alton Towers, it was more of an eclectic mix top 10, which I think is great and refreshing to see.

Great list!


Electawhaaa?
Yooooou said it :D
JAMES!!!

100% AT - 100% GREAT

\":D\"
 
scubahood
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Tue Sep 26, 2006 9:59 pm

Pleased to see Rita wasn't in there that ride is so boring. Sure the launch is good but thats it
 
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jam&lob
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Thu Oct 05, 2006 5:46 pm

Don't understand why Enterprise beats Nemesis. Thats a great top 10 but I would place Nemesis and Oblivion higher up. I didn't realise AT used to have a Toboggan run.
Please visit The Online Games Directory
http://www.freewebs.com/togd/
 
AstroDan

Thu Oct 05, 2006 6:08 pm

If I took rides that are both great AND mean a lot to the development/history of Alton Towers, I would probably argue the following top 10:

10. Hex - the best ride this decade and one which finally gave visitors an insight into local legends - using the fantastic Towers as their base.

9. Model Railway - an absolute gem of an attraction that helped give the park an 'innocent charm' during the 1980's and early 1990's.

8. Runaway Mine Train - many peoples first AT coaster, this ride is a true classic through and through and is a great piece of theming and design.

7. Log Flume/Flume - 'the longest in the world' also assisted to put Alton on the map in the 1980's.

6. Black Hole - a classic ride that helped, with Corkscrew, to give Alton its name in the 1980's.

5. Thunder Looper - together with Nemesis, this made Forbidden Valley one of the most revered theme park zones in the country and is a ride still much missed to this day.

4. The Swans - synonymous with Alton Towers and famed throuought the land until their sad demise.

3. Oblivion - a world first which created hysteria in the Theme Park community world-wide.

2. Corkscrew - the foundation of todays world famous theme park.

1. Nemesis - took the park into the world arena with a ride almost as
legendary as 'B&M' themselves.
 
Anonymous

Fri Oct 06, 2006 8:43 pm

my top 10 would be
1: Air
2:nemisis
3:oblivion
4:rita
5:black hole (r.i.p :lol: )
6:Spinball Whizzer
7:corkscrew
8:Ripsaw
9:flume
10:runaway mine train (get well soon)
:lol: anyone think i got it right :lol:
 
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srw985
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Sun Oct 08, 2006 5:05 pm

Oblivion = LOL

but thunder looper wasnt as bad as you make it sound
Chester City Football Club
 
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phillipvass
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Sun Oct 08, 2006 5:37 pm

My Top 10:

10. The Flume (Very important development contributed to the success of Alton in the 80's)

9. The Haunted House (Helped Alton move into the family market)

8. The Runaway Minetrain (A classic family attraction)

7. Hex (A truely unique ride which only Alton could pull off successfully)

6. Air (A worlds first B&M rollercoaster, undoubtedly helped Alton move into the 21st century)

5. Oblivion (It helped strengthen Alton's reputation and remains one of the best rides in the park)

4. The Black Hole (A lot like Oblivion, it reinforced Alton's reputation as the U.K's no. 1 in-land leisure park)

3. The Monorail (It may not be the most exciting attraction at Alton Towers but without it Alton would've found it hard to grow. Could you imagine the park without it?)

2. The Corkscrew (Whatever way you look at it, the Corkscrew was one of the most important developments in Alton Towers history)

1. Nemesis (Alton's biggest ride development to date, transformed the place into a world class Theme Park. Had it not been built the park would not have been the success it is today)
 
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haydn!
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Sun Oct 08, 2006 8:14 pm

Oh I'm loving this topic, and how thick some people are! I can't beleive some of you completly missed the point by about ten thousand miles.

Great top ten steve! Loving the ones on ya site too 8)
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